Originally posted the summer of 2008.

Leakathon 2008

We had some rain come through the area the night before last and we awoke yesterday morning to find that my parent’s closet and the little room that has all the water junk in it was flooding. Apparently something was clogging the pipes and causing the water to come back through the drain in the floor. This happens every now and then and it usually fixed before the days end. This time however the jail in town was also flooding and so our guys couldn’t get out to help us until this morning. Dad had to shut the water off to slow the flooding and I compensated by washing my hair with the water hose outside. I felt very rural.

Even these precautions didn’t prevent the leaking entirely. Dad began to suck up the water with a carpet cleaner every half hour or so through the whole day. Then this morning our guys ”fixed” the problem for us, only to have it return by the afternoon. They were unable to get back to my house today so now I sit here in my basement.

I’ll be taking the midnight to five shift of sucking up the water so Dad can get some sleep. And I’ll be chronicling it all here.

12:34 am

My shift started off a little later than originally planned, but it shouldn’t be too big of a problem. Dad showed me how to suck up the water with the carpet cleaner.

1. Put carpet cleaner over puddle of water.
2. Turn it on.
3. Suck up water.
4. Repeat an hour from now.

Then he asked if I would like to read an issue of my older brother Hans’s playboys to help pass the time. Apparently my Dad has been taking care off them since Hans moved back to Colorado. He found the magazines in the back off his closet when moving everything out so it didn’t get wet.

“Um..maybe,” I replied, as he said one issue had an interview with Robert Downey Jr. from ten years ago and I thought that could be interesting.

Dad disappeared into his room and soon brought out an entire milk crate of Playboy and set them on the pool table. I walked over to it and peered over the old, grey garbage bag wrapped around the stash. A woman stared back at me. She was wearing cleavage baring leather and was standing provoctively over a violin.

Dad went to bed. And I sat on the couch.

1:16 am

The puddle I just sucked up was a little larger than the one used as an example an hour ago. This worries me. Soon I could be floating around on a pillow and using this space as an S.O.S.

Mental Note: Check how well pillows can float.

1:25 am

My friend Jay Lingo just popped his head from behind the fridge on the other end of the room. He waved at me twice- once for hello, and once for goodbye. He may have grabbed a Popsicle from the freezer, but I don’t even know if we have any Popsicles. I should have stocked up on some snacks or something, now that I think of it.

What I do have with me, however, is season one of the show Roswell. I watched the pilot last night and I’m gonna watch episode two now and pretend I am a teenager in 1999.

2:07 am

Michael get outa there now! Sheriff Valenti just pulled up and is on his way to his office! Oh gawd! The files aren’t even there anymore- just leave!

2:25 am

Its cold.

I have put a thicker red hoodie over my brown one. With temperatures like these I’ll probably have to get my ice skates from the garage to get to the water I need to suck up. Though I guess if it was frozen I couldn’t really suck it up…

I wish I had put hot chocolate on my frosted flakes because this cold milk isn’t helping my situation.

I’ve already sucked up the water for this, the beginning of my third, hour but the drain is already starting to bleed onto the floor.

The puddle grows and the crate on the pool table in its grey garbage bag catches my eye. I turn my attention back to my cereal. It is all I need for now.

2:48 am

A young woman named Concetta sent me a friend request on MySpace.

Her about me read as follows:

Hey its me… you know everything about me already and if you don’t well then you just met me if you get to know me then you will know me SMILE life is a F***KIN PARTY

I think Concetta and her extra asterik are onto something. If we don’t get to know someone then we don’t really know them do we? And we should smile! Cause life is a F***KIN PARTY. That’s what I like about her.

She gets it.

3:16 am

There wasn’t really any water on the floor this time which makes me both wary and suspicious.

Has the problem that has plagued this house for two days suddenly stopped? Or is that just what I’m being led to believe?

Can I call it a night and hit the hay early or would the leaking and flooding return once I was in my bed upstairs?

Only time will tell.

Something else time can and did tell- I did not need that peanut butter sandwich I just ate. I mean I just had a bowl of frosted flakes during the ice age of 2:25 am. I wasn’t even hungry.

’S just something to do I guess.

3:20 am

More Roswell! But this time I’m drinking orange soda.

4:06 am

I decided to use the bathroom during that episode of Roswell and so I had to walk past the pool table. The crate is still there, its garbage bag cover hiding the contents from the world.

I know that they’re still in there though and I wonder if, as I might doze off on this couch rather than my bed, it would be appropriate to hide one of the magazines under the couch cushion.

For I am beginning to grow tired now. My eyes lids are even a little droopy.

4:20 am

The flooding has seemed to have stopped for now. I didn’t even have to suck up any water this last time. Which means my herculean task is at an end.

I’m going to go dig up that Robert Downey Jr. interview now and go to bed.

END